Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"...you can't be so friendly, kid."

This could almost be a follow-up post to my last.
Everyone's favourite sexual teddy bear, Liev Schreiber, will be on Broadway in A View From the Bridge.
Click that link.
When you click it, you might hear the distant sound of your grandmother's prized china tinkling as it meets the harsh reality of a hardwood floor.
This, coincidentally, is also the sound of my heart breaking.
I fly back two weeks before this opens and will not be over again until June.
Ow ow ow ow owwwww.

Perhaps it's for the best, though.
When I saw what turned out to be Jeremy Piven's last performance in Speed-the-Plow, it was his last for a reason.
That shit was a disaster.
The acting wasn't the issue, though you could tell the actors' hearts weren't in it.
I knew I didn't like the play ahead of time, but it was a Christmas gift because Jeremy fucking Piven was in it.
With this, however, I love the piece and have high hopes for the performance. Ahhh well.

I am not too disheartened, dear readers.
In keeping with what is fast becoming an annual tradition, I saw Gogol Bordello at Webster Hall with one of my best friends.
Sufficed to say, it was a religious experience.
My unimpressive height left me battered and bruised by the flailing young men and shimmy-rocking skanks while I bopped up and down for a glimpse of these modern gods.
At the beginning of their forty-five minute encore, like clockwork, a broad older gentlemen stepped to the side and became my human shield for a few songs.

Alas, when the crowd was invited to the after party it took me several seconds to comprehend that I would not be among the chosen few.
Nahhhh biggie.
I had an amazing time and we saw Batman on the Path. It was pretty sweet.

Didn't manage to get any good shots this time around, so here is my favourite from last year's joyfest/of all time.

Gogol Bordello, Dec. 2008

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Come, all ye faithful

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.
Y'know, the kind with hot chocolate, fuzzy blankets, and minimal family awkwardness.
Even if you don't celebrate, I hope it was good anyway.

Rather than post about the presents I got or just how full of peppermint bark I am, I wanted to try something a little different.
After celebrating the birth of of the world's most famous mensch, I thought we might celebrate a commodity which, due to my time in Ireland, has been missing from my life.
I mean, of course, sexy Jewish men.

Eli Roth
Photobucket
Let's get the giant cock in the room right out of the way. Yes, he is a skeazeball who spends most of his time getting drunk and demanding a personal viewing of girls' boobs. Yes, his most notable roles include violence. Yes, he is remarkably hairy.
I am okay with all of this. Because he is sexual and looks damn good when killing Nazis.

Liev Schreiber
Liev Schreiber
Also falls under the category of "big and abusive" that I will be teased for enjoying. In our most primal and basic moments, ladies, we want this. You Tarzan. Me Jane. We bone.
You know this one is a teddy bear anyway.
A sexy, sexy teddy bear.

Jeremy Piven
Jeremy Piven
I would do terrible things to this man and his v-necks.
End of story.

Jeff Goldblum
Jeff Goldblum
Let's try to keep our minds out of the gutter.
Nobody ever listens to Jeff Goldblum. From dinosaurs to aliens, people just don't take him seriously.
Keeping his shirt open for most of Jurassic Park was a good way to deal with what could otherwise have resulted in an inferiority complex.
Not to worry, Jeff.
Nature, uh, finds a way. (Into your pants.)

Coen Brothers
Coen Brothers
Two for one deal. That is, the two of them for the one me.
Guys want blonde twins who split their hours Hooters and the Dallas Cowboys.
I want these two.
Yes. Please.





Perhaps I'm projecting the wrong image here.
Raw sexuality and unbridled genius are not the only admirable qualities in a fella'.
I'd be happy to light the menorah with any of these gentlemen.
Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill
Because funny is sexy.

Seth Rogen
Seth Rogen in particular, though.
Even with the weight loss, he is my schlubbly, curly-haired dreamboat.
I could take him home to mother and we could smoke up to make said meeting bearable.
Perfect combination of adorable, funny, with the possibility of being an asshole from time to time.


To finish us off...
Lenny Kravitz
Only half Jewish, but only half-dressed as well.
Thank you, Lenny.

Oh, and you too, Baby Jesus.
Baby Jesus