I am not a golden god.

I'm not going to bother apologizing for the repeated lull in activity because I recently had two experiences which forced me to come to terms with the fact that I am a mere mortal.

UNO - I exceeded my bandwidth on Photobucket. I had been posting gifs, screencaps, and silly pictures all over the internet, not thinking for a moment that my Dancing Artie Party would ever end.

Exhibit A:

Then, horror struck. I was cut down in my prime, all of my situationally-hilarious snippets turned to badges of shame.

Exhibit B: That's what shame looks like, folks.

Now I know that I have to slow my roll. Or, at the very least, create an army of accounts, thus further crowding my life with clutter. Not sure if digital clutter is quite the same as a collection of Burger Kings toys from the 90s, but you get what I mean.

Dos - Being a good American, I wanted a PB&J. Two slices of rye and one spoonful of Jif later, it was time for the jammyjam. Got my raspberry goodness all set up and was about to seal the deal/the bread together in a delicious matrimony until I saw an irregular lump on the jammyjam side. IT WAS A BUG, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. A DEAD BUG.

Not that I try to relate every possible moment of my life back to Anne Shirley and her shenanigans, but all I could think (other than, 'Ew. Ew. Ew.') was, 'Well, I suppose in the end it was a romantic way to perish. For a bug.'

My sentiments exactly, Ms. Shirley.

_

There is always good news! Despite technological failings on my part, the Fringe posts are finally up. Belated One and Belated Two.

_

Follower Love-Fest #10: Rich

Rich's blog is the glorious Bittersweet. I don't know where he gets all of these recipes and, quite frankly, I don't care. Everything looks tasty and gives my baking-challenged self hope that I can make tasty treats without burning the house down or poisoning my loved ones. Plus, he's a snarky dude, which I love. Hey, he says it himself, 'Sugar and sarcasm.' Always a winning combination.

When I said that I would start reading for my classes, I don

't think I was very clear.

What I meant to say was, 'I am going to carry around my copy of Metamorphoses, read about twenty pages, then get distracted, reread all of my Vonnegut books, try to organize my bookshelf, and make iced tea.' Sorry for any confusion.

Yep.

As with last time, the internet ate my newest Fringe post. Cue combination of me feeling like a douchenozzle and hating technology.

I might hop in the car and take advantage of those stress relievers labelled 'Free Windows' in front of a house up the road.

In other news, after a year of being sweaty and cranky, we finally got the air conditioner fixed. HIGH FIVE ME, INTERNET.

That is technology I can get behind. I know, I know. It's a luxury that our ancestors got along without just fine. But our ancestors also thought that maggots came from dirty rags and that mercury could cure venereal diseases. And that's just science.

Goddamn right, Azrael.

Oh ho ho. I made a funny.

Plan for the day:

-Call up jobs to check in again. (Are you sick of this yet? Tough break. So am I.)

-Unpack properly. Oops.

-Call the camera repair shop to see what the damage is to the Hammer and my wallet.

-Buy glitter.

-Run some other sundry errands.

-Make veggie burgers?

_

Follower Love-Fest #9: Min

Min's blog, Don't Say Stuff Like That, is an eyegasm. Don't look at me like that. It's a delightful mix of film screencaps, fashion, fantasmagorical shoes, and sexy people. You don't know it, but I took a ten second pause there to be distracted by the pictures of Tim Roth just chilling on the main page. Are you still here? I can't for the life of me understand why.

Home.

I forgot what humidity was until I got home.

My hair's not a fan, but I really like it when there's so much water in the air that you never quite feel dry. It's kind of like a security blanket.

For the past three days I've been waking up to chirping birds and rustling leaves and all of those stereotypical summer sounds.

My favourite, though, is the sound the plaster and wood of the walls make as the sun heats everything up. They groan and knock on all sides of every room.

It's not subtle either. I think that these sort of hazy descriptions are supposed to be more part of the scenery, but the creaks are loud and don't stop until I get out of bed to start the day.

Actually, they don't stop until nighttime, and then it's time for cicadas.

I miss college and everyone there already. Still, I am glad to be home.

I haven't seen any of my friends yet, but that will change in a few hours when people come over for pizza and movies.

FearNet is a distinct possibility. Awwwww yeah.

Vair, vair excited, even though I've been running around on the job hunt all day, everyday since I arrived back and have failed miserably at reestablishing any form of a sleep schedule.

Oh, and the Internet has contacted me.

Time to call Will Smith.

What else, what else?

Went to a concert with my parents, but that's for another time.

Because I am le tired.

And I'm watching The African Queen.

I love this movie way too much, and not just because of Humphrey Bogart.

Well, he doesn't hurt.

Um. My new Fringe post is up. I'm doing some ~research~ for the next one.

That was my attempt at creating suspense.

Aaaaaaaanyway...

_

Follower Love-Fest #6: Chelsey

Okay, I'm pretty sure that this whole not-being-able-to-click-through-to-profiles problem comes from my own poor understanding of technology. Every time this happens, I'm just going to make up things about my beautiful readers. And then I'll have to go to confession for lying. Or something.

Chelsey and I met on a cruise to Barbados. Originally, the trip was meant to have gone to Alaska, but there was a sudden tax on Bugles that year. The ship's captain, a big fan of the salty treats, had quite a stock on board and refused to pay the tax on principle. So, we changed course. The two of us met while trading our jumpers for sundresses when we docked. We've been pals ever since.

Bad habits.

I've always had a few.

I bite my nails, chew my lips, crack my knuckles, play with my head (the whole thing) when I'm sleepy, and fidget.

Thank God I never actually went to cotillion, or the the instructor would have likely been arrested for attempting to beat these most unladylike qualities out of me.

And I just couldn't deal with the guilt.

My newest habit is leaving the updating of this blog for too long, and then falling behind on reading as well.

Shameful.

Quick recap:

-I'm twenty. Icky, but I think I'll get by.

-My parents came over and good times were had, as predicted. We went on a family trip and it was amazing and I can't wait to see them again in a few days.

-I'm going between packing, cleaning, editing photos from the trip, and taking spontaneous naps right now.

-My last Fringe post was lost in the Internet, due to my own position as a spaz, but it's up now. So, that's cool, even though I felt awful for mucking things up.

-Mah buddeh took a five hour bus ride to visit me and I am so not worthy of her gloriousness. Where are Wayne and Garth when you need them?

Nevermind. I found them.

-Trying to get my act together in a big, bad way. I WILL READ YOUR BLOGS. Note the use of CAPS.

_

Follower Love-Fest #5: KLH

Okay, I'm going to be honest with you, kids. As with the first batch of lovely people, I can't click through to this young lady's profile. I hope she won't consider it libel if I just make things up. KLH's hair smells like fresh strawberries. She once made a cookie-pie big enough to feed all of the kindergardeners in her school district, and hand-delivered the slices to the twelve kids who were out sick with the chicken pox that day. Professor Utonium is her real dad.

_

And, just so you know, it's Judy Garland's birthday. I love this woman. Celebrating with a PB&J for dinner.

Happy birthday, Ms. Garland.

FDR, forever. I gotchu, girrrrrrl.

I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to, so just deal.

LOVE!

Second Year: Complete

I took my last exam yesterday morning and I still can't believe it.

At this very moment, I am half-way through my degree.

And next week I will be twenty.

Ew. This makes me feel that I ought to be doing all sorts of adult-type things. Ew

I've been sending out a dizzying number of e-mails, begging for work, but responses have been less than promising.

I sent my latest 'assignment' for Fringe a few days ago, so I'll let you all know how that goes.

So, until I get any responses from potential employers which don't begin with 'Thank you for you interest, but...' I've been effectively wasting time on Polyvore.

Haven't heard that word in a while.

Imagining outfits for romanticized versions of your possible-future-jobs is the first step toward actually getting said job, right?

Soap-Slinger by Liz OT featuring Naturalizer shoes

Items in this set:
- New Age & Spiritual Gifts at Pyramid Collection, $120
Naturalizer Boyer, $59
Jade Crystal Dots Resin Bangle, 40 EUR
Deena & Ozzy Tiny Straw Hat, $28
Coppertone - WaterBabies Sunscreen Lotion SPF50 236ml, $18

There is a chance that I might be working for a small company in my town which makes its own soaps and candles. While I understand that it is unlikely that my job would consist of delivering delightful bundles of scented glory in the manner of Kiki's Delivery Service, a girl can dream. Even in my daydreams I am aware of the danger the sun's rays pose to my pasty self. Ouch.

Country Clubbin' by Liz OT featuring Arden B tops

Items in this set:
Tie Waist Ruffle Front Blouse - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic..., $49
Balenciaga Button front skirt, 335 GBP
Kat Maconie Blaize Nude Patent Pumps, 95 GBP
Alex Monroe Gold Hummingbird Necklace, 110 GBP
Loop Knot Headband, $16

More promising is the prospect of working at one of the local country clubs. I have no idea which positions, if any, are available (Towel Girl, Cabana Chick, Caddy), but I do know that my usual taste for mad prints and sundress would not go over well. If those shoes are in my possession, that's fine.

Happy Camper by Liz OT featuring Old Navy dresses

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Ruffled Jersey Cabana Dresses, $15
Knitted Pointelle Cardigan, $75
Duck Face Toe Ankle Socks, $6
CHUCK TAYLOR ALL STARS, 54 GBP
MARC BY MARC JACOBS Round Enamel Case Watch, $175

I've heard nothing back from the educational camps at the community college, but this situation would be ideal. I can't think of a better way to spend eight hours than hanging out with and teaching creative kids. Plus, I love making macaroni fish.

Pagemaster by Liz OT featuring Fly LONDON shoes

Items in this set:
Watermelon Delight Dress, $88
Joy :: Womenswear :: Knitwear :: Louche Essentials Boyfriend Cardigan, 29 GBP
Amazon.com: FLY London Women's Ikon T-Strap Pump: Shoes, $315
Token bags - Sheridan Bag-Large Dark Brown, $240
sniffty scented pen set, $12

Pretty sure working in the town library doesn't pay, but I just don't care. Unlimited access to books (though I hear you're not allowed to read them when you're on duty) and an excuse to expand my cardigan collection are reasons enough.

Free Bird by Liz OT featuring Steve Madden shoes

Items in this set:
Chrysalis Dress, $60
Steve Madden - Women's Flats, $80
Noah Love Birds Clutch- eBags.com, $110
SMALL VINTAGE RESIN PANSY POST EARRINGS, $32
American Eagle AE Women's Skinny Multi Braid Belt Brown, $20

Could be doing some freelance work for an artists and artisans group. In this fantasy, I am trusted with sexy cameras and a press pass so that I can get in and get the story, or whatever it is that the job entails.

Babysitter by Liz OT featuring Converse shoes

Items in this set:
Old Navy Boys DC Comics Superhero Hoodies, $15
Basic Mid Scoop Tee, $2.50
Bullhead Shorts - Womens - Vintage Cut Off Short, $37
Converse All Star Slim Leather Athletic Shoe, Black, at Journeys Shoes, $65
Crayola Color Bath Dropz - 3 Pack - Crayola - Babies "R" Us, $11

The ol' standby. Last summer the recession had people tightening their belts so much that they wouldn't even hire teenagers to watch their youngsters for a night of freedom. Here's hoping that will change this year if nothing else pops up. I'm good with kids. LET ME WATCH THEM. I can cook, clean, change diapers, teach arithmetic, give anti-drug lectures, build a better mousetrap--whatever you need, Parents of America.

A Likely Story by Liz OT featuring Deena & Ozzy sandals

Items in this set:
Miso Floral Eyelet Dress, 23 GBP
Deena & Ozzy Crisscross Slingback Sandal, $38
Large Linen Suitacase, 120 GBP
Librarian-Inspired Spring Fashion
Monkey Yellow Hooded Towel, $36

What will probably happen is that, as ever, I won't find work. Three and a half months will be spent swimming at the beach, reading, getting caught up on a year's worth of TV, and reorganizing my house room-by-room. This pleasant, though financially depressing, life of languor will be interspersed with trips to visit friends working in Boston, Washington, and Philadephia. I'll be selling my worldly possessions on the internet to generate gas money. Yee-haw!

~

Follower Love-Fest #4: Geri

After a short break--during which she was missed immensely--this lovely lady is back to blogging at Lovely as a Car.ous.ill. Whether it's hilarious YouTube videos, new music, or photos from her daily goings-ons, no entry comes without a smile for the reader. She is also a girl who understands the magic and importance of sparkly nail polish. That counts as a virtue way more than Patience does. If you're in the mood to salivate madly, then her food blog, edu.plate, is for you. :D

There will be no capering nimbly.

I am now blogging for Fringe, sort of. I put that 'sort of' there because is one of the coolest things to happen to me in recent memory and I'm really nervous about jinxing it. Anyway, my first write up is here and it makes me smile

My first exam is in five hours.

No, I am not panicking.

Yes, that was a lie.

I've gotten to the point where I hoard any books that seem relevant to my needs and use them to make a fort around me. When I get around to figuring our which ones are actually worth anything to me I have to bring the rest back, shuffling around like Richard III.

Yes, that's what I'm studying.

I could use this as practice for getting all of my (uninformed and unoriginal) ideas out there, but I'll save my word-vomit for this afternoon.

Instead, let us take this time to appreciate how sexy Ian McKellen is as Richard. We are ignoring the fact that McKellen doesn't like girls, is much older, and that Richard is a creeper of the highest calibre.

Oh, and RDJ has a slight role in this film version, for those who don't appreciate McKellen's obvious appeal.

You should be converted now.

Follower Love-Fest #2 : V. SIRIN

I'll be honest, I don't know a whole lot about the saint vitus blogger, but what I do know is enough. She makes delicious-looking (and, I'm sure, -tasting) pies and is shares my talent for chronically destroying the elbows of sweaters. She is also a brilliant artist who creates images combining gorgeous lines and startling attention to detail.

Now, back to panicking.

Annnnnd we're back. For real this time.

Mortimer lives, and let us rejoice!

He might have a screwy CD drive now, but that will be sorted out by the start of next week. IhopeIhopeIhope.

Life is pretty good. I mean, I'm in a state of panic about exams, but nothing that some awesome video messages from home and a lovely friend's insistence on making me dinner can't cure.

Do you know what's crazy? The fact that I have twenty-five followers. That means that I now how as many followers as I do entries. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly has me excited. In honour of that, my new plan is to end every entry with a little blurb on why one of my followers is awesome. This will be an imperfect plan, as it seems that some of my followers are just pixellated silhouettes. It doesn't mean that I love them any less, but it does mean that I can't see their profiles. So, in advance, let me just say that I really, really, really, really love Erin, Stephy, Cassie, and Laura. They're super-foxy.

But this entry ain't over yet.

First, the big news. Well, big to me.

I'm going to be writing for Fringe Magazine's blog. I just e-mailed them my first 'assignment' and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stupidly giddy.

If you're not familiar with Fringe, click it and educate yourself.

And please read that last sentence in Pleakley's voice.

It's just a really great collection of art and writing that wouldn't otherwise make it to the general public. And all the cool kids are reading it while they wear their Sketchers and write notes with Milky Pens. Those things are still hip, right?

And now,

Follower Love-Fest #1: TRICIA

Tricia is the babe behind Stop the world, I wanna get on!. When she's not being a professional sexpot, Tricia is bringing the world of fantastical world of polar bear cork boards, beautiful nail polishes, and the bleu cheese crisis in Lithuania. One of those might not be entirely true. What I'm trying to say is that Tricia is the bee's knees.

___

Just got a text that it's dinner time, so I'm out like Scout.