Close enough.

We're about a month into Third Year, folks. How terrifying is that? Well, if you're a twenty-year-old who yo-yos between being easily distracted from her work by anything going and Sudden Death Stress Mode, it's pretty damn scary. Things are going pretty well so far, though.

Well, barring that two week period (a.k.a. 'the first two weeks of classes') when I split my time between a hospital bed and my apartment.

Yep. The night after a glorious 'Welcome Back to College!' Star Wars marathon in our new flat I woke up all puffy and cute. Several trips to the hospital later, I was a medical mystery. It would have been cooler if Hugh Laurie were insulting my intelligence and popping pills all sexy-like, but, alas, most of my doctor dealings ran closer to the hospital scene from Idiocracy.

It's all gravy now. I think I've caused enough mental and emotional anguish for my loved ones for a while. Seriously. The levels of loveliness reached by everyone around me were borderline dangerous.

And Third Year Liz is a force to be reckoned with. She goes to bed early(ish), plans ahead, pays the bills, does (almost) all of her reading, and sends internship applications months before deadlines require. As I type this, I already have my schedule set to be in college all day.

'But you have no classes on Thursdays.'

'I know. I'd like to get into the library before my responsibilities start at noon. Secondary reading, you know.'

On the one hand, the fact that I am fast becoming the Squarest of Them All is making me sick. I mean, I never had much street-cred to begin with. This responsibility kick is going to seriously weaken my chances of getting into the T-Birds.

Por otro lado, I really hope it lasts. This kind of frenzy I've been working myself into reminds me of high school. Back in the day, I was a beast. I don't want to quite reach that level of insanity again, as I've become quite accustomed to more than three hours of sleep, but I do appreciate my down time a lot more when there is so little. My little cup of green tea tastes better because I earned that mofo. And because I treated myself to a super-neato trip to the tea shop, but whatever.

Things to keep in mind:

-I've only kept this nonsense up for a week and a half, so we'll see what happens.

-Buddy will always support me.

-

Follower Love-Fest #13: Anne Brown

Annie here loves to Vogue. She just can't get enough of it. Ask her, 'Whatchu' lookin' at?' I dare you. It's a sure-fire way to get this little lady snapping her fingers and striking a pose like it's going out of style. Really, Anne just loves Madonna. We nearly parted ways during a lunch when I said that Madonna's arms make me want to curl up in a ball and hide behind Michelle Obama. I wound up wearing Anne's slice of Key lime pie in my hair on the walk home. Who looked stupid? I did.

When I said that I would start reading for my classes, I don

't think I was very clear.

What I meant to say was, 'I am going to carry around my copy of Metamorphoses, read about twenty pages, then get distracted, reread all of my Vonnegut books, try to organize my bookshelf, and make iced tea.' Sorry for any confusion.

Yep.

As with last time, the internet ate my newest Fringe post. Cue combination of me feeling like a douchenozzle and hating technology.

I might hop in the car and take advantage of those stress relievers labelled 'Free Windows' in front of a house up the road.

In other news, after a year of being sweaty and cranky, we finally got the air conditioner fixed. HIGH FIVE ME, INTERNET.

That is technology I can get behind. I know, I know. It's a luxury that our ancestors got along without just fine. But our ancestors also thought that maggots came from dirty rags and that mercury could cure venereal diseases. And that's just science.

Goddamn right, Azrael.

Oh ho ho. I made a funny.

Plan for the day:

-Call up jobs to check in again. (Are you sick of this yet? Tough break. So am I.)

-Unpack properly. Oops.

-Call the camera repair shop to see what the damage is to the Hammer and my wallet.

-Buy glitter.

-Run some other sundry errands.

-Make veggie burgers?

_

Follower Love-Fest #9: Min

Min's blog, Don't Say Stuff Like That, is an eyegasm. Don't look at me like that. It's a delightful mix of film screencaps, fashion, fantasmagorical shoes, and sexy people. You don't know it, but I took a ten second pause there to be distracted by the pictures of Tim Roth just chilling on the main page. Are you still here? I can't for the life of me understand why.

I hear my train a comin'

I've spent the better part of the last three days taking a break from my (terribly unsuccessful) job hunt, riding around on trains.

That statement is not exactly accurate.

I've left follow-up messages and applied to another dozen or so establishments, but that's still a lot less than I'd been doing before.

Mostly because I've run out of places to apply.

Besides, all the trains have been taking me to visit friends.

On Wednesday, I met up with two friends from college and we went to the Museum of Natural History. I don't know what it is about the summer time that always makes me want to look at dead animals, but I see to be there a lot when the pollen count is high. I was so happy to see them that it was difficult to wipe the big, stupid grin off of my face, even when staring down a T-Rex. After the museum, I had to rush to my not-so-little cousin's graduation from middle school. It was hot as Hell in the auditorium, but I didn't care. I was such an embarrassing mush. I remember when you were thiiiiiiiis big.

Yesterday, I went down to see mah buddeh in Philadelphia. I'd seen him once (maybe twice?) since we started university and, while that is shameful beyond belief, it's still more than a lot of people. I mostly marveled at his most glorious apartment. It is glorious. And then we just chilled, which was nice. I kind of hate that word, but that's just what it was. There's a lot to be said for spending six hours doing nothing but laughing with an old friend. Of course, there was about ten minutes where we were running in the lashing rain, but we laughed almost the whole way through that, too. Serves us right for venturing out into the world.

I guess that brings us to today. I'm just about to head to the train station to meet up with my friend and her family at their house down the Shore. She is one of the few people that I was able to keep up steady contact with since high school, and I love this girl and her family to Pluto and back. I mean, I love all of my friends to a degree that borders on obsession, but whatever. I am crazy-excited. I predict much hugging and movie-watching. I can live in hope that we will build sandcastles for the sole purpose of violently destroying them.

ALSO, I have received absurdly glorious letters and packages in the post. They are glaring at me with their wondrousness because, while I have most of my letters written, I have failed to post them yet. My glitter reserves are low and I refuse to send any parcel which is not bursting with that shimmering nuisance. I have rules.

I'm coming up on finishing my fifth non-coursework book, so I've packed something vaguely related to college for this round of trains. I don't know when I became such a slow reader. It would be annoying if I had any deadlines. As I do not, I'm mostly just confused.

Sent the next round of stuff for Fringe the other day, so I'll let you know when it's up.

Stay cool!

Follower Love-Fest #8: Tam Tran

Tam Tran is a master basket-weaver. This is no joke. After winning the Basket World Challenge from 1999-2009, she holds the record for consecutive awards in the international competition.

When not practicing her craft, Tran likes to take strolls on Saturn's rings. She says that the rings smell like wood pulp and, thus, remind her of her childhood. She grew up a few doors down from a paper factory. She makes a mean beef stroganoff.

Meant to be a music post, buuuuut...

...that's just not going to happen.

My first full day home, my parents and I saw Jeff Beck in concert.

It wasn't religious experience, but it was certainly better than any mass I've ever been to.

That man is magical. No lie.

Also, his opening act was a big surprise.

I almost died of excitement over seeing that legend and this sexy betch on the same night.

And then performing together.

My gushing would be intolerable were I to go on.

Trying to keep this in the vein of music schtuff. I'm seeing the Goo Goo Dolls in two weeks.

I know that this will do nothing for my street cred, but I love these guys and I will not apologize.

The only thing that upsets me is Johnny's plastic surgery.

I mean, with his bone structure and highlights, he was the man of my nine-year-old self's dreams.

WHYYYYYYY?

I'm not sure my achy breaky heart is going to be able to cope with seeing my pre-teen dreamboat so low.

Let's console ourselves, dear readers, with those who have aged well.

Really well.

Get out of my dreams, and into my car.

Well, we all saw this one coming.

Where are you hiding, Thora? Your public misses you!

In fairness, he was thirty when he played Cameron.

And, for my own personal delight, please note how much RDJ looks like a young Ezra Pound when he rocks that skeazy facial hair.

_

Follower Love-Fest #7: Lodi

Huzzah for a profile I can actually get to! Not that I need one, as I've been on this lovely laydeeee's blog quite a few times, creeping like it's going out of style. That wasn't meant to be some kind of pun/joke thang because she writes a style blog, but there you go. It happened. All the same, I often want to kill her and steal her clothes and garden, but then there would be no more blog or Lodi and I would be very sad. Also, I'd be in jail, and I just couldn't cut it in the clink. What I am getting at is that you should check her out. And marvel at her hair.

In the spirit of this post being all over the place, HAPPY FATHERS' DAY (even though it was technically yesterday)!

Bad habits.

I've always had a few.

I bite my nails, chew my lips, crack my knuckles, play with my head (the whole thing) when I'm sleepy, and fidget.

Thank God I never actually went to cotillion, or the the instructor would have likely been arrested for attempting to beat these most unladylike qualities out of me.

And I just couldn't deal with the guilt.

My newest habit is leaving the updating of this blog for too long, and then falling behind on reading as well.

Shameful.

Quick recap:

-I'm twenty. Icky, but I think I'll get by.

-My parents came over and good times were had, as predicted. We went on a family trip and it was amazing and I can't wait to see them again in a few days.

-I'm going between packing, cleaning, editing photos from the trip, and taking spontaneous naps right now.

-My last Fringe post was lost in the Internet, due to my own position as a spaz, but it's up now. So, that's cool, even though I felt awful for mucking things up.

-Mah buddeh took a five hour bus ride to visit me and I am so not worthy of her gloriousness. Where are Wayne and Garth when you need them?

Nevermind. I found them.

-Trying to get my act together in a big, bad way. I WILL READ YOUR BLOGS. Note the use of CAPS.

_

Follower Love-Fest #5: KLH

Okay, I'm going to be honest with you, kids. As with the first batch of lovely people, I can't click through to this young lady's profile. I hope she won't consider it libel if I just make things up. KLH's hair smells like fresh strawberries. She once made a cookie-pie big enough to feed all of the kindergardeners in her school district, and hand-delivered the slices to the twelve kids who were out sick with the chicken pox that day. Professor Utonium is her real dad.

_

And, just so you know, it's Judy Garland's birthday. I love this woman. Celebrating with a PB&J for dinner.

Happy birthday, Ms. Garland.

FDR, forever. I gotchu, girrrrrrl.

I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to, so just deal.

LOVE!

Just about twenty.

According to my clock, I've been twenty for almost three hours. No changes to report yet.

Some might say that this is because turning twenty isn't a big deal/time is relative/it's all a bunch of overblown poppycock.

I say that it's because I was born in a different time zone, and not at the stroke of midnight. In my books, I am still nineTEEN. Because I am nineTEEN, I am still allowed to capitalize portions of my words which would not otherwise be capitalized.

I am also allowed to tell you that I am up at this hour because I am super-excited that my parents will be here in four hours. I know it's not cool to get on with your parents, but I adore mine.

Yeah. I said it. And now, here's a picture of us all. Sort of.

They are somewhere over the Atlantic right now, watching episodes of The Big Bang Theory if I know my dad well.

Which I think I do.

Mama's more likely to be trying to sleep, then giving up and watching a film. How do I know? I just know, mmkay?

NEWSFLASH: The wind just slipped one of the locks on the front door, blew it open, and slammed it. Hard. The house shook. Scary bananas.

Anyway, I'm really excited. Not just because my heart rate is up now. Because I will see my folks for the first time since Christmas, and then they'll meet some of my friends, and there will be good times.

_

Follower Love-Fest #4: Katrin

Katrin is the bilingual babe behind reizende Rundungen. Hell, she might speak more languages because she's that great, but I just don't know. She has a seemingly endless army of cute clothes, especially dresses, but that's not the only reason I love this girl. It also has nothing to do with her glorious hair, or the fact that she got a kiss from Beth Ditto. These thing certainly don't hurt, but it's how her entries always make me smile. She's is funny, and strong, and I want to high five her constantly.

_

Still nineTEEN. Still allowed to have dance parties with Batman.

Second Year: Complete

I took my last exam yesterday morning and I still can't believe it.

At this very moment, I am half-way through my degree.

And next week I will be twenty.

Ew. This makes me feel that I ought to be doing all sorts of adult-type things. Ew

I've been sending out a dizzying number of e-mails, begging for work, but responses have been less than promising.

I sent my latest 'assignment' for Fringe a few days ago, so I'll let you all know how that goes.

So, until I get any responses from potential employers which don't begin with 'Thank you for you interest, but...' I've been effectively wasting time on Polyvore.

Haven't heard that word in a while.

Imagining outfits for romanticized versions of your possible-future-jobs is the first step toward actually getting said job, right?

Soap-Slinger by Liz OT featuring Naturalizer shoes

Items in this set:
- New Age & Spiritual Gifts at Pyramid Collection, $120
Naturalizer Boyer, $59
Jade Crystal Dots Resin Bangle, 40 EUR
Deena & Ozzy Tiny Straw Hat, $28
Coppertone - WaterBabies Sunscreen Lotion SPF50 236ml, $18

There is a chance that I might be working for a small company in my town which makes its own soaps and candles. While I understand that it is unlikely that my job would consist of delivering delightful bundles of scented glory in the manner of Kiki's Delivery Service, a girl can dream. Even in my daydreams I am aware of the danger the sun's rays pose to my pasty self. Ouch.

Country Clubbin' by Liz OT featuring Arden B tops

Items in this set:
Tie Waist Ruffle Front Blouse - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic..., $49
Balenciaga Button front skirt, 335 GBP
Kat Maconie Blaize Nude Patent Pumps, 95 GBP
Alex Monroe Gold Hummingbird Necklace, 110 GBP
Loop Knot Headband, $16

More promising is the prospect of working at one of the local country clubs. I have no idea which positions, if any, are available (Towel Girl, Cabana Chick, Caddy), but I do know that my usual taste for mad prints and sundress would not go over well. If those shoes are in my possession, that's fine.

Happy Camper by Liz OT featuring Old Navy dresses

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Ruffled Jersey Cabana Dresses, $15
Knitted Pointelle Cardigan, $75
Duck Face Toe Ankle Socks, $6
CHUCK TAYLOR ALL STARS, 54 GBP
MARC BY MARC JACOBS Round Enamel Case Watch, $175

I've heard nothing back from the educational camps at the community college, but this situation would be ideal. I can't think of a better way to spend eight hours than hanging out with and teaching creative kids. Plus, I love making macaroni fish.

Pagemaster by Liz OT featuring Fly LONDON shoes

Items in this set:
Watermelon Delight Dress, $88
Joy :: Womenswear :: Knitwear :: Louche Essentials Boyfriend Cardigan, 29 GBP
Amazon.com: FLY London Women's Ikon T-Strap Pump: Shoes, $315
Token bags - Sheridan Bag-Large Dark Brown, $240
sniffty scented pen set, $12

Pretty sure working in the town library doesn't pay, but I just don't care. Unlimited access to books (though I hear you're not allowed to read them when you're on duty) and an excuse to expand my cardigan collection are reasons enough.

Free Bird by Liz OT featuring Steve Madden shoes

Items in this set:
Chrysalis Dress, $60
Steve Madden - Women's Flats, $80
Noah Love Birds Clutch- eBags.com, $110
SMALL VINTAGE RESIN PANSY POST EARRINGS, $32
American Eagle AE Women's Skinny Multi Braid Belt Brown, $20

Could be doing some freelance work for an artists and artisans group. In this fantasy, I am trusted with sexy cameras and a press pass so that I can get in and get the story, or whatever it is that the job entails.

Babysitter by Liz OT featuring Converse shoes

Items in this set:
Old Navy Boys DC Comics Superhero Hoodies, $15
Basic Mid Scoop Tee, $2.50
Bullhead Shorts - Womens - Vintage Cut Off Short, $37
Converse All Star Slim Leather Athletic Shoe, Black, at Journeys Shoes, $65
Crayola Color Bath Dropz - 3 Pack - Crayola - Babies "R" Us, $11

The ol' standby. Last summer the recession had people tightening their belts so much that they wouldn't even hire teenagers to watch their youngsters for a night of freedom. Here's hoping that will change this year if nothing else pops up. I'm good with kids. LET ME WATCH THEM. I can cook, clean, change diapers, teach arithmetic, give anti-drug lectures, build a better mousetrap--whatever you need, Parents of America.

A Likely Story by Liz OT featuring Deena & Ozzy sandals

Items in this set:
Miso Floral Eyelet Dress, 23 GBP
Deena & Ozzy Crisscross Slingback Sandal, $38
Large Linen Suitacase, 120 GBP
Librarian-Inspired Spring Fashion
Monkey Yellow Hooded Towel, $36

What will probably happen is that, as ever, I won't find work. Three and a half months will be spent swimming at the beach, reading, getting caught up on a year's worth of TV, and reorganizing my house room-by-room. This pleasant, though financially depressing, life of languor will be interspersed with trips to visit friends working in Boston, Washington, and Philadephia. I'll be selling my worldly possessions on the internet to generate gas money. Yee-haw!

~

Follower Love-Fest #4: Geri

After a short break--during which she was missed immensely--this lovely lady is back to blogging at Lovely as a Car.ous.ill. Whether it's hilarious YouTube videos, new music, or photos from her daily goings-ons, no entry comes without a smile for the reader. She is also a girl who understands the magic and importance of sparkly nail polish. That counts as a virtue way more than Patience does. If you're in the mood to salivate madly, then her food blog, edu.plate, is for you. :D

Annnnnd we're back. For real this time.

Mortimer lives, and let us rejoice!

He might have a screwy CD drive now, but that will be sorted out by the start of next week. IhopeIhopeIhope.

Life is pretty good. I mean, I'm in a state of panic about exams, but nothing that some awesome video messages from home and a lovely friend's insistence on making me dinner can't cure.

Do you know what's crazy? The fact that I have twenty-five followers. That means that I now how as many followers as I do entries. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly has me excited. In honour of that, my new plan is to end every entry with a little blurb on why one of my followers is awesome. This will be an imperfect plan, as it seems that some of my followers are just pixellated silhouettes. It doesn't mean that I love them any less, but it does mean that I can't see their profiles. So, in advance, let me just say that I really, really, really, really love Erin, Stephy, Cassie, and Laura. They're super-foxy.

But this entry ain't over yet.

First, the big news. Well, big to me.

I'm going to be writing for Fringe Magazine's blog. I just e-mailed them my first 'assignment' and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stupidly giddy.

If you're not familiar with Fringe, click it and educate yourself.

And please read that last sentence in Pleakley's voice.

It's just a really great collection of art and writing that wouldn't otherwise make it to the general public. And all the cool kids are reading it while they wear their Sketchers and write notes with Milky Pens. Those things are still hip, right?

And now,

Follower Love-Fest #1: TRICIA

Tricia is the babe behind Stop the world, I wanna get on!. When she's not being a professional sexpot, Tricia is bringing the world of fantastical world of polar bear cork boards, beautiful nail polishes, and the bleu cheese crisis in Lithuania. One of those might not be entirely true. What I'm trying to say is that Tricia is the bee's knees.

___

Just got a text that it's dinner time, so I'm out like Scout.

Zombie Jesus Day!

I failed to go to church, make brunch, or dye eggs this year.

Between the assumed --unless I'm told that he can make a recovery on Tuesday--death of Mortimer, college, and a rather startling arrangement of personal problems, I just couldn't find the time to get into the manic groove that all commercially-endorsed holidays bring out in me.

My housemates have been beyond beyond the past couple of days.

Sure, we're living in a rather disgusting structure, comprised of dirty dishes, newspapers, breadcrumbs, and ants, all posing as a house, but it's kind of nice.

Until the other day, I hadn't seen most of my loves in a week. Some I still haven't seen.

We gots the looooove, though.

When I came home a sleep-deprived mess (six hours' sleep, spread over four days is apparently not enough for a functioning human being), two of my housemates were sitting, watching Glee and eating homemade lemon muffins.

They listened to me rant, then we hugged, ate the deliciousness, and I finally succumbed to Glee's awesome power.

I repeat, 'awesome'.

Right now, I'm waiting for the call from home when the phone will be passed around to every available relative and we will scream love at each other.

Also contemplating whether or not it's worth it to finish an essay which I will probably be failed for anyway.

Either way, I am running off to the shop to see if there is any chocolate left for me to sneakily hide in my housemate's pillows.

Final note: I hope you're all full of love and chocolate/roast/Peeps/whatever you gave up for Lent, if you did. But mostly love. For tradition's sake, I give you

The Baaaaall

Okay, I snagged a few photos off of some friends and will now be flinging them at all of you lovelies. I totally want to show how how sexy my friends looked in their costumes (I mean, I think I'm surrounded by some pretty foooiiiine people every day, but in their formal wear--awwww yeah), though I don't want to freak them out with the idea of their pictures being all over the ol' WWW. So I'll just post a few.

First, proof that we were, in fact, on a boat.

Loveliest person I know and myself before the ball. I think that she looks fucking fabulous in the wig, as did everyone else, but she's just not having it.

Is she wrong, or is she wrong?

Two of my other totally foxy friends, partying like it's 1928. Words are not enough to convey the levels of badass achieved here.

I don't really know this kid, but he seems nice enough and we share far too many mutual friends for me to assume him anything other than awesome. Also, this is the only photo in which I am not making a ridiculous face.

More of my beloveds looking schweet.

The band. They came on at around 8:30 and didn't stop until we all had to leave the boat. In short, they were gods.

A friend and myself failing to get the attention of the barman at the afterparty. I don't know who took this picture, actually, but I do appreciate them giving a shot of my shoes.

Now, get out there and enjoy your Fridays, beautiful people!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, kids!

I will gush about the ball once more in another post.

Today, however, is Paddy's Day and needs its own internetzing.

Since I promised my mama I wouldn't dye my hair any outlandish colours again, my greenery (hah) is confined to my nails. Certainly not classy brands, but green and glittery are always en vogue, yes?

One of my housemates may have sold himself into slavery last night, as he was paid 30e to spend the night in a hotel and push a float in the parade today. We shall see.

After wading through oceans of drunk children last year, I've decided to stay as far away from the parade as possible.

I'm running off to go to a celebratory barbeque at some friends' house, where we will have a bird's-eye view of the mess that is Temple Bar.

Afterward, another friends (and quite possibly the loveliest person I know) is making me dinner. We shall then watch The Three Amigos and possibly Mystery Men. Do you remember this gem? I didn't, and I am currently basking in its rediscovered glory.

Observe the extended opening scene with my love. (Not the only reason I'm loving it, as I had no idea who he was when the film came out. 'Bonus.')

Not going to lie, I'll probably have another post dedicated entirely to this film, complete with some loose attempts to call it studying.

The prospect of heading into City Centre right now is terrifying. Wish me luck.

Belle of the ball...

Exciting news, folks. The History & Humanities Ball at my university is coming up. That means I get to get all gussied up and dance madly with my friends.

Did I mention that it's going to be on a boat? It's going to be on a boat.

It's also going to be 1920's themed.

Let's review: crazy dancing on a boat with friends, dressed like we're all up in that Lost Generation.

That last bit is where I must give pause. Yes, I was an unimaginative flapper for the Halloween before last. Yes, I do love me some jazz and cheap liquor. Yes, I will use any excuse to wear red lipstick and feathers. Despite all of these, though, I'm just not Twenties material.

The Twenties were a time for drop-waists and short hair. The aesthetic is fine, but I'm no Colleen Moore or Louise Brooks.

Case -

Image through Google/Lolita's Classics.

Image through Google.

Point -

That is, in fact, always how my face looks.

The decades on either side of this most favoured one would suit most of us fine, with their defined waistlines and versatile fits. What are the big-haired, non-gamine among us to do? Turn to Polyvore. Yes, again.

Blogger's Note: My new addiction to this site is in no way related to the bleakness of my current reading material. Not at all.

These are for two of my lovely friends with similar issues, concerning the ball.

All That Jazz by Liz OT featuring Chie Mihara shoes

Items in this set:
Two Tone Lace Dress - UTTAM Direct, 40 GBP
Chie Mihara Atom Mary Janes, $210
Vintage Small Velvet Embellished Clutch, 85 GBP
Rose and feather fascinator, 63 GBP
ASOS | at ASOS Grey Jewelled Fabric Tie Back Belt, $27

Let's Do It by Liz OT featuring Forever21 accessories

Items in this set:
Yumi Lace Pearl Tunic Dress, 58 GBP
Silk Stockings - Erotic Lingerie - Coco de Mer - Coco de Mer Erotic...
Kimchi Blue Linen T-Strap Flat, $28
Mini Frame Florist Black Satin Purse, 55 GBP
Feathered Hair Clip, $7.80

And for me.

Yes, Sir! That's My Baby by Liz OT featuring Monsoon dresses

Items in this set:
Monsoon Accessorize - Fusion Dresses, 75 GBP
Contrast Seam Tights, $18
Kimchi Blue Patent T-Strap Skimmer, $28
ShopCurious - ShopCurious - Vintage filigree silver card..., 135 GBP
5 row pearl bracelet, 7 GBP

Whatever happens, I'll still be dancing on a boat and screaming Fitzgerald at anyone and everyone in the vicinity. Count on it.

Taking things too far.

'So, you're returning The Maltese Falcon and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes so that you can read Paradise Alley.'

'Yeah.'

'I just wanted to make sure that you understand.'

Sometimes my housemates despair of me.

You may recall that I found a new favourite bad film in Sylvester Stallone's Paradise Alley. Not only do I now own it, I've inflicted it upon one of my friends. After she made it through, we scrambled to find the book that started it all. There are plenty of copies of it on Amazon, but we then remembered that our university has a copyright library.

What the hell does that mean? It means that our library has a copy of every book published in the UK for the last Godknowshowmany years. Given, I had to special-order it out of Stacks, and I could only read it in the library, but read it I did. And it was weird.

Mostly, it was awful. Stale dialogue, bland descriptions, and a formulaic plot. Each chapter is a scene from the film, so Sly probably knew he'd be throwing this baby on celluloid. It would be easy to just end it at that, but that would really not be doing justice to what is something of an experience.

One of the more striking aspects of the book is the fact that it has pictures. Not too many and no pop-ups or anything, just these ink jobs by Tom Wright. They're all dark and grainy and slightly off, so of course I loved them. Only example I could find is this.

Stallone does some interesting things with punctuation and line breaks. For the most part, the narration is basic and fairly boring, broken up by stylized dialogue whenever characters speak. Occasionally, though, something like this pops up:

Victor counted his meager salary and smiled at the foreman. But,

Victor's eyes no longer,

Smiled.

Chapter Thirty Four, page 143

It's actually like poetry. I refuse to go off on any tangents of literary criticism because I think all of that is bullshit, but the playful structuring is really fun, if nothing else.

Pictures and funny punctuation are not the only things that kept me reading, though. There is a general image of Stallone as a mumbling, muscle-bound moron, which is completely false. The man is a member of MENSA and, quite literally, a genius. Despite Paradise Alley's monotony of drab writing, there are definite moments when I sat up straight to read a sentence again, such as when Annie sees a 'building that looked like it was trying to find a quiet way to crumble' (Chapter Ten, page 64).

Perhaps you're not convinced. That's fine because I'm not trying to convince you. All I'm after is conveying what a strange ride this book is. More often than not, it reads like it's Stallone's journal when he was drafting the screenplay. With sections like,

The phony soldier was Cosmo Carboni and he was Victor's older brother, and was no masterpiece of kindness.

He had a medium skeleton.

Well, maybe not medium.

But odd.

No, odd is the wrong word.

Cosmo Carboni was an angular piece of hustling machinery bent into the form of a man...

Chapter Two, page 16

I'm not entirely convinced that it's not.

Either way, I think I really enjoyed it.

~

To make this slightly cooler, I combined my obsession with this beast and my new addiction to Polyvore. What would I wear to be an extra in this classic? Something equal parts gaudy and sentimental.

Paradise Alley by Liz OT featuring Jigsaw dresses

Items in this set:
Silk Satin Faggotting Dress, 160 GBP
ASOS Nude Back Seam Sheer Tights, $14
Suede pumps, $455
ASOS BLACK Deco Pod Across Body Bag, $37
Tasha Sinamay Flower Hair Clip, $38

Play me out, Tom.

Reading week, so far.

Well, I was away for a magical weekend at my friend's house in Clare. Five of us (okay, six with me)went for fresh air, over-eating, and general shenaniganry. It was glorious. No pictures of that yet, though, because I just got back last night and am lazy. It's my week off from classes so that we can get caught up on the work they know we haven't been doing the whole time.

To keep up the tradition of not working when I should, today I cleaned, went grocery shopping, and sent e-mails to another 48768658239 summer camps.

Before this week, instead of working, I wrote a fuckton of letters to people whose birthdays I missed/I haven't seen in a while. Postage was a bit of a pain on the packages, but it was totally worth it. I love writing letters, and this made me kind of wriggle in my bed while listening to The Princess and the Frog soundtrack.

Maybe that's not something you're meant to admit. Oops.

Carrying these into town with my other bag of books was something like fun. Well, I do love peeling stamps.

Look--glitter! Where could half of the bottle have gone?

Oh, right. Glitter is the language of love.

Meet Charlie, the newest member of the family. He likes water, sunshine, Cool Ranch Doritos, and showtunes. His turn-offs include bottled water, hail, fedoras, and frayed shoelaces. He's single, too.