Come, all ye faithful

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

Y'know, the kind with hot chocolate, fuzzy blankets, and minimal family awkwardness.

Even if you don't celebrate, I hope it was good anyway.

Rather than post about the presents I got or just how full of peppermint bark I am, I wanted to try something a little different.

After celebrating the birth of of the world's most famous mensch, I thought we might celebrate a commodity which, due to my time in Ireland, has been missing from my life.

I mean, of course, sexy Jewish men.

Eli Roth

Let's get the giant cock in the room right out of the way. Yes, he is a skeazeball who spends most of his time getting drunk and demanding a personal viewing of girls' boobs. Yes, his most notable roles include violence. Yes, he is remarkably hairy.

I am okay with all of this. Because he is sexual and looks damn good when killing Nazis.

Liev Schreiber

Also falls under the category of "big and abusive" that I will be teased for enjoying. In our most primal and basic moments, ladies, we want this. You Tarzan. Me Jane. We bone.

You know this one is a teddy bear anyway.

A sexy, sexy teddy bear.

Jeremy Piven

I would do terrible things to this man and his v-necks.

End of story.

Jeff Goldblum

Let's try to keep our minds out of the gutter.

Nobody ever listens to Jeff Goldblum. From dinosaurs to aliens, people just don't take him seriously.

Keeping his shirt open for most of Jurassic Park was a good way to deal with what could otherwise have resulted in an inferiority complex.

Not to worry, Jeff.

Nature, uh, finds a way. (Into your pants.)

Coen Brothers

Two for one deal. That is, the two of them for the one me.

Guys want blonde twins who split their hours Hooters and the Dallas Cowboys.

I want these two.

Yes. Please.

Perhaps I'm projecting the wrong image here.

Raw sexuality and unbridled genius are not the only admirable qualities in a fella'.

I'd be happy to light the menorah with any of these gentlemen.

Because funny is sexy.

Seth Rogen in particular, though.

Even with the weight loss, he is my schlubbly, curly-haired dreamboat.

I could take him home to mother and we could smoke up to make said meeting bearable.

Perfect combination of adorable, funny, with the possibility of being an asshole from time to time.

To finish us off...

Only half Jewish, but only half-dressed as well.

Thank you, Lenny.

Oh, and you too, Baby Jesus.